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self-deceit?


what the boy said just sparked me deep into thoughts. 

and so we were discussing about grades and stuff and i was telling him like how my grades prolly won't go up too much at the rate i'm going; and that i prolly will graduate with a normal degree, if i work really hard, a merit. i don't think i'll ever reach the cumlaudes. 
and then we came to a crux where he asked if i would stop umpiring soon and i said i just started. i also went on to say that i think good grades are important, but a balanced life is even more important. 

and then he said "good to have a balanced life! still. your mum paid a lot of money for uni and it'd be a shame if you wasted that good brain you have". 

which got me thinking. it's true what he said. that my mum did spend a lot of money on my education. and it's not like i'm stupid. i would like to think i'm not that stupid. perhaps the stupid of the clever, but still, not stupid. 

have i been giving myself excuses to do badly? like all these balanced life bullshit. i really don't know. i always ask myself, what's wrong with being mediocre and happy? why go through so much trouble just to prove that you are better than the rest? i always believed that there would be something i would excel in, naturally, and that i would still do well in life without all the good grades. 

but now i'm starting to wonder otherwise. 

chocolates


been eating quite a bit of chocolates now, and it's funny how when you eat certain things, you think of certain people. 

eating ferrero rocher brings back alot of memories from young when i ate just the outside and made my mother eat the nut in the centre. hahas. of course as i grew older i started feeling bad, and i started eating the nut on my own. 

toblerone i always remember, gets stuck in my teeth. hahas. 
and did you know,

i didn't! =x =x =x am i slow? :( 
now when i eat toblerone i'll always rmb yx's cousin saying it's her favourite chocolate. hahas. 

speaking of which, 
his bro got married over the weekend! it was great fun, meeting all the people in the family. a bit confusing cause it's so big, but i'll get there. hahas. and we got some pretty pictures as a result of the wedding! 




teehee :D 

time flies, i'm almost finishing year 2 of my uni now. :) 

it is very obvious that i haven't been updating. although i really should be because i would really love to have something to look back on years from now. 

#1. finally attaining my umpiring cert! 
so yes. it's something that i've wanted to do since i like, started playing netball in primary 5. after my PSLE i wanted to go and take my cert, but i think the idea of having a course and a test scared the young me so i didn't. after secondary school again i wanted to go, but young me didn't find anyone to go with me so again i didn't go. not having touched netball in JC, i didn't think about it. after going back to netball again in uni, i finally decided that i should go take my cert. 
alas, i had obstacles. the course was delayed three times, and it took me almost a year to attain my cert after my initial registration. 

since then, i've umpired at zonals, the mixed social league and today i just did a carnival. i have to say the carnival was the most tiring cause it was long hours under the hot sun and they were primary school girls who didn't quite understand the rules. 
now i'm gonna be coordinating for the primary school zonals. hahas. 

i need to get a nice sports polo tee, a nice sports tank top, and a visor. so that i'm more prepared for the sun! 

#2. uni 
after almost finishing my two years in uni, i'm at a cross road at whether i should go for a second major or not. it's the thing about whether it's useful to have a second major, versus the amount of time and money that is put in to attain the second major. it's about whether i should use the summer to clear modules, which would help to decide whether i have 2/3 sems left in school.
after a whole week of thinking, i still have no idea. partly because oasis is screwed up and my degree report doesn't do it properly. 

#3. the boy has finally ORD-ed
2 years after the teary goodbye, he's finally out of army. and it feels good actually, to be able to text him any time, not having to say goodnight so early, being able to meet him more often to do more things, and i guess, just having him around more. :) 
i am thankful that he has safely survived army. it's something that i would never take for granted. 

Jan. 15th, 2012


i'm gonna try and upload more photos! 

so here's a christmas version. :)

the relatives from penang came over this christmas. i didn't get as many photos of the little one as if i had went, but here are just a few! 


hahahas her standard pose. cute or what. :D 


one of the rare few times we got to carry her this round. she only let us carry on the last day. :( 


group shot! :) 

it was nice having them around. :D christmas was, livelier with them around. :)

another season of learning


i don't know what i've done wrong. 
it seems like i've been trying to do my best, i've been doing all i can; but i still make stupid mistakes, but it's still not enough. 
this week alone i've had enough of being a failure for my team. first was the decision to continue training even though it had rained. so apparently the coach was fuming when she told us the conditions in which she wouldn't train, and we still went ahead to call for training. and then there was the issue of not enough jerseys to go around. i honestly tried my best given the constraints, but apparently it's not good enough. 

i'm having a hard time repositioning myself in the team. even though the head knows that i neither have the skills not the speed to be a main player at this level, the heart still hurts. 

as the captain and president, i can't help but feel that there are areas in which i have failed. 

another steep learning curve, this season has been. 

2011


i haven't blogged alot this 2011, and today, i feel compelled to. because the last day of the year always calls for reflection. 

i'm thankful there has been no major drama in my life this year. after so many years of drama, this is the year that really allowed me to settle in. 

i'm thankful that in my family, so many things have been settled, and we are even more close knitted. now, we are also close to relatives in penang. :) i'm thankful that this year, i had the ability to drive my grannie to see her long time friends in malaysia. sometimes it's heartbreaking seeing them and what they've become, how they are treated by their kids based on the life they previously had. 
i can't ask for anything more with my fam. 

i'm thankful that i found another family in my bf's fam. they are all so warm and loving, and it's been a long journey since i first stepped into their house. i'm looking forward to getting more involved in their lives next year and being more accepted and just being more of a part of their family. 

i'm thankful for a relationship that is stable. thankful that i've found the best boyfriend in the world who is understanding when i'm busy at sch, and when i need to spend time with my family. i'm thankful for a person who showers we with unconditional love and accepts me for who i am. i'm thankful we are making this work regardless how our lives are busy. and i'm looking forward to his ORD and him entering into uni! 

i'm thankful that in school, i'm settling in. while i haven't been doing spectacular, i'm getting to know what i want to do. i'm thankful that in sch, i've made new good friends. 

i'm thankful that in CCA i've gotten a position and i've got a great supporting team. i'm thankful that the competitive team is growing, and that our skill level is higher. 

i'm thankful that i've managed to keep in contact with old friends.

i have so many things to be thankful for this year. 

week 13 update


i haven't had the habit of blogging recently, i blame my laziness and then the craziness of school. the past two weeks were prolly worse than the whole of the sem combined. 
the first time i stayed in school past 3am. goodness gracious. i think i almost died. 

school is really crazy. and i guess though i'll never get used to it, i'll have to try and get along with it cause if my plan works, i still have 4 more sems in SMU. if my plan doesn't work, i would have 5 more sems. gawddd. 

in all of this craziness, i just thank god that i have an understanding boyfriend. who understands that i need to cancel our movie date because i just need to finish my project. who brings me for soothing walks [okay actually today was only the first time] at lower pierce that really helped me relax alot. who understands i can't meet him because i need to send my grannie and fetch my grannie from malaysia. what more can i ask for, really? 
we both know there's no certainty till we sign the papers, but at least we will make the effort to make this work. 
guess we never really know what God's plans are, but i just really thank God for giving me him.

smunb, sunig 2011


Sunig has been over for quite some time, i'm far behind time on blogging, but i've really been too busy. :( 


at the end of our first match against NTU. 


team dinner at timbre. 
i'm so hopeless, i didn't know where timbre was when it's actually just right across the street from SOA! the funny thing was that i agreed to meet a person who was equally lost [yiwei]. and we met shuangru, who was so happy to have met us cause she thought we knew the way. so it's was three blind mice walking around. hahahas. 


yiwei! :D 
my dearest senior whom i've known since primary school! we've been playing together for almost forever. hahahas. it's really nice to have her around in the team! :) and we're so similar in terms of how early we sleep, we always get poked fun at. 


look at candera [bottom left] and su [top right]! hahahahas. :D 


shooters! :D 
we look so happy and relaxed here, i don't know whether that's the case when we're on court. being a shooter is damn stressful! why haven't i managed to move myself outside the circle. :( 
i love these girls though! they are all hilarious. 


as much as it was tough, and it threw me up a v steep learning curve, i enjoyed every bit of it. 

week 8


and so i've been wanting to do a proper post about my first season in SMU netball, but i haven't gotten the pictures, and words alone seem really boring, so i shall postpone it. like till i get the photos. 

therefore, i shall be lingering on my week 8, which does feel like week 8, because i managed to go away to penang for a while. :) 
we went there to see the little one, who has grown alot since the last time we saw her! and looking at her baby photos, i almost couldn't put two and two together. she's lost alot of weight since. :( 

i'll just let the pictures do the talking? 



her standard two poses now that she sees a camera. :D 

too cute! :D 

watching her is enough entertainment for 4 days. don't need to go shopping or anything! too smart for her own good, the adults say. from a child's point of view, i think i would say she has the adults wrapped around her fingers! hurhur. :D 


and i finally went to watch lion king last night. :) baby's treat!:)

when i first went into the theatre, i was overwhelmed by how small it actually is! i thought like it would be this grand theatre thingy, but it's actually more of a small cosy setting. 


we had pasta at a restaurant opposite the theatre. which has quite good food and service i must say! but if you're hungry, then the portions are a little, too small. hur. 


the stage background 


the nicer two of the photos we took that day. :D 

 i love you! <3