21predilections (21predilections) wrote,
21predilections
21predilections

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self-deceit?

what the boy said just sparked me deep into thoughts. 

and so we were discussing about grades and stuff and i was telling him like how my grades prolly won't go up too much at the rate i'm going; and that i prolly will graduate with a normal degree, if i work really hard, a merit. i don't think i'll ever reach the cumlaudes. 
and then we came to a crux where he asked if i would stop umpiring soon and i said i just started. i also went on to say that i think good grades are important, but a balanced life is even more important. 

and then he said "good to have a balanced life! still. your mum paid a lot of money for uni and it'd be a shame if you wasted that good brain you have". 

which got me thinking. it's true what he said. that my mum did spend a lot of money on my education. and it's not like i'm stupid. i would like to think i'm not that stupid. perhaps the stupid of the clever, but still, not stupid. 

have i been giving myself excuses to do badly? like all these balanced life bullshit. i really don't know. i always ask myself, what's wrong with being mediocre and happy? why go through so much trouble just to prove that you are better than the rest? i always believed that there would be something i would excel in, naturally, and that i would still do well in life without all the good grades. 

but now i'm starting to wonder otherwise. 
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